Saturday, November 3

Stick Monster

On Saturday mornings, I will occasionally sit outside in the cool morning air and enjoy my steaming hot mug of Mexican Pluma and contemplate all the things that I will not accomplish throughout the day. Procrastination is an art form, and my skill surpasses even the most accomplished. But this particular morning as I was outside (drinking coffee, that's the only reason I go out on the back porch) I kept noticing some odd movement around the leaves that protect the delicate concrete slab outside. The situation obviously deserved my full attention so I focused all my mental faculties on discovering the source of the disturbance. A stick was moving.

I think my exact words were "Whoaaaaaaa....". I was giddy. I had made a groundbreaking discovery. We had a Stick bug, or Walking Stick, whatever you want to call it, literally right on our doorstep. I feel like I don't need to further explain the significance of this event, other than it was life changing. Naturally, I subdued the beast and procured a temporary stick habitat with a Gladware bin and a leaf. I proudly displayed him to my roommates who clearly lacked the intellectual capacity to appreciate such a rare find. Also they are ugly. It was about this time when I realized my bug was not special, but evil.

I noticed my camouflaged friend lying upside down with his stick legs in the air in his new (apparently oxygen deprived) environment. When I opened the container, it crouching tiger, hidden dragon-ed its way ON TO MY NECK! I grabbed it (which, being a stick, was not difficult) before any damage was done, even though I'm pretty sure it whispered something demonic in my ear. In a moment of poor judgment, I let it go outside. I'm afraid I might have unleashed something horrible upon the world. I envision a scenario much like this in the near future...



This is even more terrifying as the monster is apparently aware of cliches...

5 comments:

jenn said...

So I'm at work and thanks to the time change, it's a pretty loooong night. Reading your post though, may perhaps allow me to survive the next 4 hours. Gracis!

the photoSmith said...

i particularly like the laser beam coming from stick bug's eyes...

Maggie said...

how could you do this to us?

Elaine said...

"Naturally, I subdued the beast and procured a temporary stick habitat with a Gladware bin and a leaf. I proudly displayed him to my roommates who clearly lacked the intellectual capacity to appreciate such a rare find. Also they are ugly. It was about this time when I realized my bug was not special, but evil."

ahahahaha, so postmodern, i love it. let's go together to get stickbug tattoos. Maybe they'll start talking to us like on x-files.

Teysha Faith said...

i want you to know that i go back to this blog when i need a good laugh. it's honestly the funniest thing i've ever read. i even show it to friends. i pretend like i know a famous author... but you aren't famous. uhhh ok bye