Wednesday, May 12

Clicking Clicking

So... how did I get here? It's 12:46am and I'm having trouble remembering what I did today. I remember going to bed last night and thinking about all the things I needed to do, but I have no idea what they might have been. I mean, I needed to go to the bank, but that can wait until another day when my accounts are a bit more depressing.

I do know that I took a typing speed test about 8 times and the best I could manage was 43 words per minute, which was not as good as I was expecting. The clicking when I type sounds so much more impressive than 43 words per minute. It's kind of hypnotizing actually, the sound of the clicking.

I'm just going to type on for a bit and listen to the clicking. I don't really have much to say but I'm not going to stop typing. Mostly because of the clicking, the clicking that sounds so much faster than 43 words per minute... some of you might realize that I am just stalling because I can't think of anything else to say, and you would be right... Honestly I haven't really had anything to say in a while. Or ever really. I just really want to have something to say sometimes.

Last week, I worked on my fake novel and I wrote up some fake editorials to see if any newspapers would actually run them. I wrote a fake investigative report about a blockbuster employee that I could prove was actually a Russian spy. I did these little exercises where I would just imagine a story and pick up the thread of it somewhere in the middle, like the sequel to a book that was never written.

And I was having a great time. I felt accomplished. I felt smart. I felt like I might be good at something. But right now I can't think of a single thing in the world, either real or imagined, to write about, other than the sound that my fingers striking the keys makes as I type as quickly as I can... Probably inducing early stage carpal tunnel.

I really feel like this is faster than 43 words per minute though, I think the test is skewed because I have to read and type at the same time, but when I am just typing I don't have to worry about all that pesky multi-tasking.

I know about multi-tasking from work... and let me tell you, it really isn't all that great. Once people think that you can do more than one thing at once, they will expect you to do more than one thing at once all of the time, and then they will start to add more things to your more than one thing, and all of the sudden you are really, really multi-tasking, if only for a second, until your brain suddenly realizes that it is doing too many things and shuts off completely. It's like blowing a fuse. Happens to me four times a day, at least. Too much input, not enough processing space, so I'm going to shut down for a few seconds and then reboot, and all work not saved prior to this point will be lost. What did you just say to me?

It's funny how much like computers our brains are. Or vice versa. Every thing goes a bit slow when you first get started, but after a while everything works fine. Unless you go too long without turning it off, then things start to happen. You know what I mean? It doesn't crash or anything but little things are just... off.

I am enjoying the clicking clicking clicking, because I feel like I am writing, like creativity is flowing out of me in some extraordinary way, even though I am simply rambling about nothing, ignoring the squiggly red lines for now because I desperately want to correct the spelling, but I can't afford to stop typing! If I stop I might not start again and then what would I do? Sleep? Not likely. I must press on, towards the goal!

Because if I stop then I will have to deal. I will have to deal with all of the things that need dealing with. If I am not writing as quickly as my brain can process things than I will be processing other things that I desperately don't want to process. I just want to make my own way right now, my own reality of text and backlit LED screens. And the clicking clicking clicking comforts me. Don't look around the room, don't stop because of the growing pain in your wrist, don't stop to pee, just don't stop the clicking!!! If you stop the clicking you will have to

1 comment:

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